Monday, June 30, 2014

Peanut to Sweet Girl

"Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up"
-Taylor Swift
It's hard to believe my four pound, six ounce, peanut is now my 12 pound, 3 ounce, sweet girl.
 In the last three months, I've learned so much more than I ever imagined possible. One thing being that time goes way TOO fast. In almost a blink of an eye, or so it feels, Marleigh has grown and changed so much already. It's honestly a bittersweet feeling. I love knowing that she is excelling from her premature birth but, I hate thinking how soon the "baby days" will be over. 
 I vow to cherish every second with my daughter in THAT moment. I don't want to look back and regret not appreciating the moments of each milestone. She makes my life, and I want to help make hers. I have always wanted one thing out of life, to make a positive impact on at least one person's life. I want her to be that person. I want her to look back fondly on childhood memories. I know she will grow up, quickly. I just wish I could keep her little.  I won't be able to protect her from EVERYTHING forever, and that truly scares me. There will come a day that she doesn't NEED me, or even WANT me. However,  I do hope when she is grown,  she looks back and knows just how much she is loved. She my miracle, my lifechanger, my hero, and I can only hope that I get to be the same for her. ♡


Saturday, June 28, 2014

My Saving Grace

 I stumbled across some old journals, from elementary school up to about two years ago. Until this point, I never quite realized just how much of an angry person I was. Granted, with the childhood I had, who could blame me? It's scary that I had no idea how out of control my emotions were until looking back on it. I'm not proud of who I was but, with the help of my daughter, I'm learning to be proud of who I have become.
I still have days where I feel like I'm nothing, and that my life is going no where.. Just to have a wonderful miracle remind me I've done at least ONE thing right. I made my own miracle; my saving grace. I would hate to imagine where my life would be without her. She has made me a better person; a more caring and giving person. For the first time in my life, I have a reason to look forward to tomorrow. I have someone that would miss me if I were gone. That's a feeling that amounts to no other.